(Part of the series "101 Things You Never Thought About". As I start uploading these, I will also have a separate page dedicated to all of these in on spot.)
This is a huge issue in the swinger community. It causes issues for
the guys who it happens to, to the women who feel they did something
wrong or are not attractive enough, and to couples that are confused as
to what to do next when it happens to them or their play partners.
For me, it has been a little bit of everything. I was in my 20's when I
met my wife and closed our marriage for whatever reason that was back
in the day. I was still able to get an erection just walking into a
room that smelled of bacon frying. And with my wife, I never seemed to
have any noticeable issues. There were the occasional "too drunk" to
perform nights or nights after a really bad fight and my head just
wasn't in it, although nothing that would ever make me think I would
have stage fright during a new sexual escapade. I mean, I had never had
a problem getting it up during a one night stand in college or even on
my first date with my future wife(yes we fucked on our first
date...funny story best told at a later time). My wife surely didn't
expect me to have issues. My body, on the other hand, had different
plans for me. I remember that first night we went in to a private room
with a sexy couple. I had my head high, my confidence was booming and I
felt like a giddy school girl on the inside. I should have been
feeling like a kid in a candy store, because that giddy school girl was
fucking shy once the clothes were off. My little friend just laid there
lifeless no matter what my sexy lady friend did. And to really throw a
wrench into it for me, my wife was getting the shit fucked out of her
by her more "experienced" play partner.
I remember apologizing a thousand times and just repeating "This has never happened before" over and over again. I
was so embarrassed. My wife unintentionally didn't make things any
better. She was just as confused and embarrassed as I was. She didn't
know if she was supposed to stop and come back to me or keep going to
make her play partner happy. We hadn't discussed what we would do if
this happened. I had always been this self proclaimed virile male sex
god who could get it up when the wind blew funny. Why would we discuss
what would happen when I didn't get hard and we are both in the same
room together. We hadn't even considered a situation that the other
male couldn't get hard, which is just as viable.
What ultimately ended up happening is my sexy play partner did
something completely un-sexy. She shut down and made a fairly rude
comment that to this day I have hard a hard time shaking. It was my
first experience in the lifestyle since I had been married and it was
almost my last. I thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe
medical? Maybe I already caught an STD before I had even stuck my cock
in another sexy's glistening pussy. OMG, maybe I had testicular cancer
and I just started having the symptoms. Ok, so a lot of crazy thoughts
started going through my head. And if it weren't for my wife and a new
play partner a mere thirty minutes later, I would have run out of the
club screaming with my tail between my legs. And yes, it was only
thirty minutes later that I realized that it was just nerves.
I had gone to the bar to get me and my baby girl a drink and next thing
I knew my wife was grabbing me and taking me to the private rooms
again, another sexy couple in tow. I hadn't even had a chance to get to
know them, yet. Not that I was complaining too much. Although I was.
Did she not remember what just happened. I was physically incapable of
ever getting hard again. That was what I told my new playmate, at
least. Luckily, she had a sense of humor and calmed my nerves very
quickly. She said it happens and that as long as we relax and have fun,
it didn't matter if we fucked.
And
guess what? We fucked. Not for a long time. It was five or 10
minutes before Little Willy decided to go into hiding again. Although,
it was long enough for me to realize that I just needed to relax. It
really helped having an understanding play partner who was kind enough
to take the pressure of fucking off the table.
That was when we realized as a couple that we needed to discuss what we should do if
either myself or my baby girl's partner, was not able to get hard. It
was difficult for her to let go when she knew I was struggling. That in turn
caused me to put pressure on myself because I wanted her to be able to
let go. For a short time, she made the rule that she would not fuck if I
couldn't fuck. That was not really fair to anyone, even though it was a
very noble and caring move on her part.
What it came down to was discussing the situation with new play
partners before hand. I didn't know when or why it would happen. There
wasn't always a logical reason. Sometimes I got hard with new people,
sometimes I didn't. Most of the time I got hard with repeat playmates,
and then sometimes I didn't. Now, I just explain to them that it may
happen, although I love to give and I will do my best to ensure we have
fun as long as they are ok with things possibly not working for me.
And when it came to her play partner not getting hard, I always left my
play at just oral and hands, whether I got hard or not. Of course that
only applied when we played in the same room. Seperately, my baby
girl was the master at not making a big deal about it. She would simply
say, "You must have had a long day, it's ok if we don't fuck." And
that wouldn't be before trying her hardest with extra long blow jobs or
dirty sexy talk. She didn't give up on a guy just because he didn't
stand at attention the second her bra snapped off. And sometimes she
could get it to work. It became a challenge for her to set a nervously
naked guy at ease.
If we had
discussed things previous to that happening, I don't feel it would have
been as scarring for me as it was. She definitely would not have been
as confused at what do do as she was. And now, we pride ourselves on
making our play partners feel as comfortable as we would like to feel. We leave our expectations at the door and just try to have fun no matter what happens. That is why we do this, isn't it?So guys, if it happens to you, keep in mind you are not alone. I know that is not as easy to feel when it is happening. Trust me. I felt like I was being stared at as the only guy to never get hard in front of a sexy lady. And ladies, it is not your fault unless you make a big deal about it. It is not because he does not find you sexy or that he can smell that garlic cheesy bread you ate two days before. When we all can accept that it happens and just relax, then maybe it won't happen so often. And besides, I love the taste of pussy way too much to give up on it just because I don't think I can fuck anymore.
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